Personal Log, Stardate 41557.5

Posted on 24 Jul 2021 @ 5:19pm by Lieutenant T'Char Le'el

Stardate 23369.2. May 15th, 2346.

“If you are so, eager to join then why do you remain here, faltering like a starving bird for water.”

A’ulu has yet to face T’Char, the brat hasn’t earned the right just yet. She can see right through the firm expression without even turning around, she knows her child- no, this.. Vulcan child is trying too hard to be even toned and expressionless. She knows just under that exterior is a disgusting creature rearing its head, an impurity of her bloodline and a disgrace to this world.

“Ko-mekh, will you not listen to me. All I ask is for you to say yes. The rite of-”

“The rite of separation is one that requires approval for your chosen path. As you know, I do not.”

A’ulu finally turns to glare at T’Char, or whatever they wished to be called nowadays. The Vulcan stares back at her with defiance, but A’ulu knows better. She knows she has the power to destroy this small, worthless infant, with only a few words. How dare they present such audacity in her face, when she sacrificed everything to give her a home, a place to eat and sleep. How dare they act so defiant to their mother.

“K-mekh,” T’Char starts again, averting her eyes slightly away from the rage carefully hidden behind A’ulu’s eyes. First mistake.

“You cannot even look me in the eyes when you ask this of me? You are not even mature enough to stand your ground on this subject, let alone beg me for a favor you know I will never-”

“If you do not perform this ritual I will not be permitted to remain in the family!” T’Char finally allows the barest hint of anger, of frustration through her voice. Second mistake.

“How dare you show me your emotions!!”
A’ulu bellows, lifting her posture to loom over T’Char, despite being shorter than the other Vulcan.
“How dare you! You riyeht kotik! I give you everything of me and you dare to treat ME with anger!? You have no right!!”

T’Char initially recoils, bowing her head and stepping away fearfully. Third mistake.

“DON’T YOU DARE BACK AWAY NOW! GET OVER HERE!”

T’Char doesn’t think she has any other choice. Shaking, she moves forwards to accept the punishment, hunching her shoulders in tension. A’ulu inhales slowly, turning back around to put her hands on the counter, carefully observing the root she was in the process of dicing.

“Now look. My meal is ruined because of you. Clean this up.” A’ulu throws down the dishrag next to the cutting board over the half-cut root, moving to walk away.
“You bring me stress and I lose appetite, You want me to starve to death do you not?”

“No ko’me-” T’Char moves slightly forwards to begin putting things away.

“I did not tell you to speak!” A’ulu decides to provoke T’Char as she exits the kitchen, a reminder of her status in this relationship.
“You do, you do wish me dead. Such an ungrateful child. I miss the old you, I mourn for them.”
T’Char is smart enough not to respond, and to turn her head away as the tears begin to fall in earnest.

~

41557.5. July 23rd, 2364 1:11am

T’Char gingerly feels under the table to see if any materials from her ‘emergency medkit’ escaped re-acquisition by a Piraktan doctor. Unfortunately, she comes up empty handed, and consequently wrapped in a healthy coat of shed fur from two residential felines. The Vulcan doesn’t express concern outwardly, but she does tighten the crude bandages around her forearms. If the cuts were to begin leaking again, it wouldn’t be so easy to hide, lacking a dermal regenerator.

She pulls herself up to her knees and takes the ceremonial lipitah, still slightly tainted with green hemoglobin on the edges, to wipe it off haphazardly with the crook of her elbow. It falls soon after into a plastic case nearby, on top of a series of sharp objects from around the room. T’Char slides the lid over the case and lifts it onto the table, pushing it slightly away before standing up.
The Vulcan moves to her desk and taps the console fitted into the surface, before slumping into her chair.

“Computer.. Begin personal log. Stardate 41557.5.”

T’Char speaks softly, without air in her lungs to voice her tone to any confidence. She sounds weak. Tired and defeated. It’s been a long night.

“I have made a critical error.” She pauses, realizing how disingenuous that sounds.

“Correction, I have. Hurt my friend. In a manner I have not hurt anyone for many years. Not since the academy, at least.”

The Vulcan grimaces at the memory, standing up to shake out her limbs aggressively as a means of regaining focus. Or at least, to rid herself of the memory for now.

“This marks a.. frightening turn for my mental status. Given recent events, I have to recognize that I am becoming..uhm.. That I..-”

T’Char sits back down into her seat with a slow exhale, no longer bothering to maintain a facade of reasonability.

“I am not okay.” She admits, less for the log and more for her own validation.

“I am not okay. I haven’t been okay for a while now.” The Vulcan shows the first sign of self awareness she’s had for the last 48 hours. In that moment she moves up from her chair towards the coffee table to pick up the plastic case, making a decision.

“I have collected the hazardous objects around my quarters, and though I merely intended to dispose of them, I believe it may be prudent to ask Sesenek to keep them under guard. I require some measure of external accountability to prevent this from occurring again.”

T’Char weighs the box in her hands, before she places it on the desk next to her console.

“If I were to complete the ho-rah bae'cok t'taflau I may have never seen Orishansu again. I cannot risk that. It was shortsighted and foolish of me to even-”

The Vulcan chokes up and has to stop talking to prevent herself from breaking down. Again.

“I.. I cannot allow that to happen. If there is even the slightest chance that I can.. hold her in my arms once more- it is enough. End personal log.”