Personal Log, Stardate 41483.52

Posted on 25 Jun 2021 @ 11:41pm by Lieutenant George Huxley

Personal Log, Stardate 41483.52

*Sighs* I can't call Dad, so I guess I'll have to be my own soundboard. Upgrades are proceeding well. Mo and Kell have done good work on the software side, and my teams have made outstanding progress on hardware installation and integration. We're ahead of schedule, but I'm not telling the department that. I'm hoping to convince the captain to let us use the extra days for some mass down time. These people could use it, especially since we're shipping out on a new mission soon. I don't have the details, but if it's anything like wild space, I'm going to need this department on its A game.

I'm worried I'm getting too close to the crew though. Commander Dlett keeps giving me more responsibility, which is great and all, but eventually I'm going to lose another crewman. Losing Smythe in wild space was hard, but I didn't know him very well and I hadn't been here very long. Tirik is one thing, since he and I are peers in every way except half a pip, but the rest of the department is different. Like K'Rosu. I love that kid like the nephew I never had, but I know damn well I've gotten too close. When he was injured on that boarding action, I nearly lost it, even as we were trying to save the ship and the away team. I'm not worried so much about the judgement calls I made during that action, even the captain said he felt we did all that could have been done, but what happens on the next dangerous assignment? What if I know that I need to send someone to their death in order to save everyone else? Can I do that with K'Rosu? Would I send someone else, even if K'Rosu is the best qualified? The fact that I have to ask myself this scares me, because it's a very real possibility. Then there's the other side, what if people lodge complaints that I show him favoritism? That will ruin his reputation, my reputation, and the cohesiveness we've built in this department the last few months. The fact is, the kid is a junior officer under my supervision. I've got to put some distance between us, for both of our sake.

On top of all of this, there's a blatant inquisition against the captain going on. Commissioner Whatshisname wasn't even trying to be smooth about looking for complaints. Don't get me wrong, Demarcus and I have butt heads a lot since I've been on this ship. I don't agree with his every decision, and after the Mystic I don't hold back with my disagreements. But I'm not going to let some bureaucratic desk jokey crucify the man without cause. I have a message in to some JAG contacts of mine back on Mars, and I sent a message to Eleanor on the U.S.S. Horatio, but I haven't heard anything back. Maybe they're busy, or maybe the comm traffic is being intercepted. Maybe I'm just being paranoid and reading too much into everything. Maybe I've just been working too hard. Who knows?

I wish I could call Dad, but the hours aren't lining up right now. Too much to do. Hopefully in a few days, I can give him a call. I could really use his insight right now.