Stardate 40931.4 - Personal Log, Lt JG Elli Vos

Posted on 08 Aug 2020 @ 9:06pm by Lieutenant JG Elli Vos

The young Trill entered her quarters and walked to the window, looking out in space. She looked defaeted and exhausted, not from physical exercise or hard work, but from stress and emotions. For a couple minutes she just stared out the window before she finally snapped out of it and unzipped her uniform, throwing it on her couch as she waltzed into the bedroom, letting herself drop on the matras and hugging the life-size body pillow she'd replicated weeks ago.

"Computer. -sigh- Let's get this over with, record personal log." She rolled on one side, arms and legs clasping onto the pillow, burying her face in it for a few seconds, then placing her head on it. "Not a good one today. Everything was fine, I was confident, I know what I have to do and how to do it. And I always had confidence and trust in my ability to do it. But, today, I messed up."

"So we got into a scrap with some Orions. They probably got mad we took their gel, or something, I don't know. First battle I've ever been in though. Everything changed. My skill just evaporated, I wasn't flying anymore for fun or to get us places. I was flying this duranium tin can, and I had peoples lives on my shoulders. Everyone depended on whether I could keep the Boston afloat. The first minute of the battle went, well. It went ok. I managed to give Elise openings for her to hit them back, and she hit them hard. I even had a clean sharp turn, which Elise made perfect use of. But then, the captain wanted to duplicate it, and he saw an opening. I followed his instructions, and ... dove. Rather than turning into them, I turned, then nosedove the saucer away from one of the ships."

She remained silent for a few seconds again, tightening her grip on the pillow with a print of the Enterprise A on it. "So I almost ruined the manoevre, but Elise managed to salvage it despite my 'fancy flying failure' there. If I can't even fly the Boston properly in open space there, if I invert numbers that change the whole heading, then I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to be there. I understand Mei's attraction to the Mystic, you're not responsible for hundreds of people, just the handful that you carry. This .. this might mean a carreer shift, I don't know. I don't know what to do, I just don't." She let out another deep sigh.

Having spent a few minutes contemplating everything that happened, she continued her log, figuring she might as well finish it. "The captain wants me and Elise to go over our combat data. I'm gonna get shit for that flop, I know I am. I'll probably talk to the captain about this tomorrow, maybe a transfer is best to like a freighter. Or a shuttle. Won't have that much riding on me then, at least." She rubbed her eyes, fighting the tears that were welling up. "We'll see. Computer, end log and save, then dim lights."